Mr. Ryan Kelly (Biology, Honors biology)
Date: April 21, 2022
by: Avani Rai, Alexis Silveira
Assisted by: Alison Vang, Teagan Becker, Nyari Musabayana
Transcribed by: Alison Vang
Assisted by: Alison Vang, Teagan Becker, Nyari Musabayana
Transcribed by: Alison Vang
It's hilarious, I swear. We talked about crazy flights (Mr. Kelly used to be a pilot), made him tell us jokes, and discussed garden gnomes, bigfoot, and bananas. We made him convince us climate change is a myth, and broke down the components of a smoothie he had on his desk.
listen to the audio:
Mr. Kelly Interview pt.1.m4a | |
File Size: | 3307 kb |
File Type: | m4a |
Mr. Kelly Interview pt.2.m4a | |
File Size: | 4229 kb |
File Type: | m4a |
Read along with the transcript:
Interview
Part 1.
Alexis: Okay, a light-hearted question to start off. Taco Bell or Mcdonalds?
Mr. Kelly: Mcdonalds.
Avani and Alexis: Why?
Mr. Kelly: Because- I was hoping you would ask me...because I got the worst food poisoning in my life at Taco Bell.
Alexis: Ohhhhh.
Nyari: Because I also hate Taco Bell.
Mr. Kelly: Look up the word hyperemesis.
Nyari: Mmmm, that's a big word.
Avani: What is your closest near-death experience?
Mr. Kelly: Uhhhh, I flew through a thunderstorm--an embedded thunderstorm over Santa Rosa once. Violent turbulence- suddenly, and unforecasted (crazy hand gestures). I was thrown violently against the uhh- seatbelt. Had I not been wearing my seatbelt, I would have broken my neck on the win- the roof.
Everyone: Oh god.
Mr: Kelly: It ripped my headphones off my head-
Nyari: How fun!
Mr. Kelly: It was-
Avani: Nyari…
Nyari: I’m sorry!
Mr. Kelly: And it was pretty severe. I was with a client who was flying and he tried to hold our altitude- which is the opposite of what you want to do in severe turbulence. So, by holding altitude, you’re fighting the forces and you can snap the wings off so, I had to intervene and make sure he knew not- to... not to hold altitude and let the storm push us up and down, reducing stress on the wings.
Alexis: Oh- oh wow.
Mr. Kelly: All my near-death experiences are flying- I’m a pilot. So- um, taking off out of the small airport into mountains, into descending air currents uhh- got over the trees but not too high, yeah. Density altitude is the term there to look up.
Alexis: Okay, what did you want to be when you were 10 years old?
Mr, Kelly: A pilot.
...awkward silence...
Avani: Can you tell us a joke?
Mr. Kelly: Uhhh, a clean joke appropriate for students? That’s a tough- you’re- that’s a big ask.
Nyari: Yeah.
Mr. Kelly: Ummm.
Nyari: It always is.
hmm...Nyari....
Alexis: It’d have to be one of Avani’s puns.
*Unintelligible commotion*
Mr. Kelly: Does it have to be my joke or just uhh-
Nyari: Just any. Just any.
Mr. Kelly: Umm, aha- a rabbit and a bear are pooping in the woods and the rabbit asks the bear, “Do you ever have problems with poop sticking to your fur?”
Alexis: I know this one. *snickers awkwardly*
Mr. Kelly: And the bear said no and he wiped his but with the rabbit.
...
...
Nyari: Oh, oh wow.
*Unintelligible commotion*
Mr. Kelly: Is that a joke or is that a-
Avani: On that note...
Mr. Kelly: Just a funny saying, yeah.
*Unintelligible commotion*
Mr. Kelly: Alright, that’s Eddie Murphy in my head- I cleaned it up a little.
Avani: Do you like Tom or Jerry Better?
Mr. Kelly: Oh, I hate both.
Everyone: Oh, wait- why?
Mr. Kelly: I don’t like Hanna Barbera. Except, Catch the Pigeon- which is way before your time but you get- umm. Oh, and the Wacky Races. Um, Tom- I like cats but I don’t like- Jerry’s kind of cute though- isn’t he? Like, I don’t know, Jerry? I don’t really remember specifics about their personalities. I like small animals so I’ll go with Jerry.
Alexis: Okay, did you want to go to number nine? Convince me that hot dogs are a sandwich- are or are not.
Mr. Kelly: Well, a hot dog is wrapped in a bun and when you have a bread product wrapping around a meat product, you can call that a sandwich.
Alexis: Okay, we had a whole spar in our Speech and Debate class that got heated.
Avani: Punches were thrown.
Mr. Kelly: Really?
Avani: No *laughs at own joke*
*everyone stares, she keeps laughing*
Mr. Kelly: Aww. If it’s seperate pieces of bread it's a euro if it’s bent.
Nyari: There’s a whole like graph online of where the bread has to be in order to call it a specific thing.
Avani: Umm, what’s your opinion on garden gnomes?
Mr. Kelly: I like garden gnomes. I think they’re fun. I saw a movie and they had garden gnomes in it and it kind of portrayed them in a funny light so I had a positive vibe with them- you know?
Alexis: Alright, how many bananas do you currently have in your house?
Mr. Kelly: About six.
Alexis: About six, okay.
Mr. Kelly: I eat a banana a day and my kid probably wastes one a day.
Avani: What is your theory on BigFoot?
Mr. Kelly: Well, are we talking scientific theory, or hypothesis- or belief?
Avani: Belief.
Mr. Kelly: I do not believe in BigFoot. There is no supporting evidence.
Alexis: Hmm, okay. What would be like a theory or like-
Mr. Kelly: It’s not scientifically supported.
Alexis: Mmm, yes.
Mr. Kelly: So, I think BigFoot is ridiculous and that’s true. If that’s what you’re looking for- the fun answer.
...
Alexis: Okay, if you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be?
Mr. Kelly: Now, are there health consequences for eating this food?
Avani and Alexis: No.
Mr. Kelly: Or is it just food you wouldn’t get tired of?
Avani: Something you wouldn’t get tired of.
Mr. Kelly: Fettuccine alfredo.
Alexis: Ooh.
Avani: I agree with that.
Mr. Kelly: Heart-clogging deliciousness. Don’t eat it but it’s the best.
Alexis: I feel like I had it one time at Mama Mia’s. It wasn’t that good.
Mr. Kelly: Yeahh, it depends on who makes it.
Avani: That’s because it was Mama Mia’s.
Mr. Kelly: Stoffers offers a good frozen one. It’s yummy and like four bucks.
Alexis: Okay.
Mr. Kelly: Now I could eat this vegetable smoothie.
Avani: Vegetable smoothie.
Alexis: The last- the last- one
Avani: Now, on the note of what we talked about during class, convince me that climate change doesn’t exist.
Mr. Kelly: Hmm, oh you’re tough. Umm, haha- there’s so much evidence saying the opposite. Uhhh- and I know that areas can get colder weather or even colder climate when the climate changes so- doesn’t exist or isn’t caused by people? I mean, I’m ah- asking like- I mean- I- I can’t convince you that. I really have no- I couldn’t even make up an answer that’s as dumb enough to- If someones not going to ask for complete evidence I’ll just say this and I’ll just you know umm blame it on someone else- you know- like. I don’t- I don’t know.
Nyari: I’m- I’m great at that.
Mr. Kelly: How can I-
Alexis: What I’ve heard a lot is like, “Oh, but the world’s gone super cold and super hot lots of times and it balances out again.” I’ve heard that before.
Mr. Kelly: But that is climate change.
Alexis: I know, yeah.
Mr. Kelly: So that’s why I was asking. Do you mean human cause, anthropogenic cause- climate change caused by humans, as opposed to stuff I talked about in class today? Axial wobble, eccentricity of the orbit-
Nyari: Mwobble?
Mr. Kelly: Continental drift, exchanging currents-
Nyari: Mwobble…is that a word?
Mr. Kelly: Wobble.
Nyari: Oh, I heard Mwobble.
Mr. Kelly: I’m- I’m getting a little tired teaching straight for six hours- seven hours. I’ve got a sick kid at home so I don’t sleep very well at night.
Avani: Okay, can you sell me the smoothie that’s- that your drinking right now?
Mr. Kelly: Can I send it to you?
Avani: Sell it.
Mr. Kelly: Oh, oh yeah- it’s high fiber, good for colon health, anti colon cancer- I think it’s the number three cancer in the world- or, no, no- the US. Umm, and also one of the easy to prevent cancers by eating high fiber. It’s got some sugar- but it’s- the sugar is- the absorption of the sugar is damped out by all the fiber so, you eat them together. It has a variety of berries- antioxidant berries- good for health. Reduces aging, also has fiber, also has sugar to make it sweeter. It has a banana for delicious flavor, and fiber, and potassium. It has a red pepper- red bell pepper for a vegetable- low sugar, red phytonutrients which offer different benefits than purple phytonutrients in grapes. Blah- blah- blah- blah- blah, you want more?
Alexis: How much would you sell it for?
Mr. Kelly: Low cholesterol- it’s low cholesterol and it does have fat but it’s healthy fat. Peanut butter, flaxseed, omega-3 fats- good for your brain. Uhh- good for your heart.
Nyari: Oh, Avani can’t have that.
Mr. Kelly: It has a variety of healthy foods and it allows me to eat healthy foods while i'm working 10-12 hours a time- with no break.
Avani: I have one last question. Why do you hate Hanna Barbera so much?
Mr. Kelly: I just- I don’t even when I was a kid, I thought most of their uhh- their cartoons were kind of dumb. I don’t- I’m a Warners Brothers guy. I’m a Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck, Road Runner-
Nyari: Yeah.
Mr. Kelly: That’s my- that’s my style. I love those.
Nyari: Can I ask a question?
Mr. Kelly: Yes, you may.
Nyari: Who is your favorite Looney Toons character and why?
Mr. Kelly: Hmm. Well, my favorite to draw is the RoadRunner. My favorite character as far as wit is probably Daffy Duck. I like how he’s grouchy but funny. Umm, you know- he uses big words like despicable. Umm, yeah. He and Buggs bounce humor off of each other really well and I really enjoyed that. Umm, I also learned from interactions between Bugs and Daffy- no, maybe it was Bugs and Elmer but pronouns. “Are you going to shoot him half now or wait until you get home? He doesn’t have to shoot you now. Yes he does have to shoot him-me now. And it’s not him now it’s me now and ahh, pronoun error.” Like basically kept tricking him into shooting the other guy.
Alison: Wait, can I ask a question? It’s like really simple and not fun at all but umm, what’s the thing you miss most about being a pilot?
Mr. Kelly: Pressing the buttons. I love buttons- especially if they light up or if the light goes off when you turn it off- that’s fun and I like the overhead buttons the most. There’s nothing more fun than like *button imitation* dials *button imitations* throttles up *plane imitation, chaotic hand motions* you know. And I love flying through the clouds and I love when I don’t have paying passengers. I love flying around the clouds like it’s a canyon that I can’t hit the sides and I’m doing the Death Star trench run. And I used to do that all the time, so fun. Because you’re going 250 mile an hour. Things can go by really fast so it’s like there’s a big puffy cloud you know, 10-15 thousand feet tall and you’re ripping at 250 mph around it and you’re close because if you do hit it, it’s not a problem. You know, and you’re pretending like it’s a canyon wall and it’s just fun and then you got to rip and turn the other way and the g-forces. I like it all. I like the noise it makes when you throttle up and you feel bad about the environment but I- 55 gallons an hour on takeoff. Now, you don’t burn that for an hour but it is- it guzzles gas so, sorry. Umm, yeah. I like seeing things from a bird’s eye view. I like uhh- when I was flying over San Francisco. I would screen down about 230 mph. I’ve flown over Oakland in like three minutes, head over the open airport, ripped a hard- across San Francisco’s hard path. Then I would rip a hard turn and land in San- uhh- Palo Alto. A little tiny, tiny airport and drop off- I used to fly the CEO of Stanford Hospital to work and so I’d drop her off in Palo Alto and then I’d uhh- fly back to Sacramento where I was based at that time. It was fun. I just liked doing my insmin approach. You know? Making everything work perfectly when it’s all happening really fast with buttons to press and there’s things to calculate and you got to visualize your approach. When should I start throttling back? What’s my angle of approach, and what’s- how’s the wind affecting me, and how long is this runway? How heavy am I today and what’s the temperature and how is the humidity going to affect this flight and its- there’s this- the complexity of all of it. It’s really fun when you nail it. You know, and yeah, it’s cool.
Alexis: Did anyone ever have to get thrown off your plane?
Mr. Kelly: No. I wasn’t an airline pilot; I flew charter so I never had to kick anyone off. They were paying me.
Alexis: Alright.
Mr. Kelly: They could do whatever they want to. They could bring a gun on board, I couldn’t care less.
*Eruption of laughter*
Mr. Kelly: You know, like hey, it was a different set of regulations- you know? I had weight limits, I had- I had a lot of rules, you know. The rule book was, not even joking, about this big. *Shows a large stack of papers*
Nyari: Wow.
Mr. Kelly: Title 14 of the Code of Federal Regulations. But um, but yeah. Because it wasn’t an airline operation, when I was doing certain types of flying, umm- I had the flexibility. I was pilot in command so if it did not affect safety of flight I’m like, “Use your phone. I couldn’t care less.” You know, back when they were all like, “ You can’t use a phone!” You know, I turned on my phone, I turned on my instruments, I turned by phone and lalala- nothing happens so I’m not worried about it. Umm, yeah. And now I can’t see in the morning and I’m like, “Thank God I’m not flying right now because I can’t see that.” You know, like it’s really different.
Alexis: You wan- that’s good. Do you want to-
Avani: Oh, oh- okay. Would you rather listen to a week of Baby Shark at full volume, not stopping, or have to read an entire-
Mr. Kelly: Done. I already have.
*Laughter*
Mr. Kelly: Hello, umm- have you met Fin? I’ve watched every Octonaut 20-30 times. I’ve watched all that- yeah- oh they like to repeat shows. What’s- What’s the alternate? Baby Shark or-
Avani: Have to read an entire New York phone book until you memorized every name.
Mr. Kelly: Oh, Baby Shark. I kind of liked Baby Shark. When I was uhh- in San- Santa Cruz, they had a shark tour because they found some sharks- they found some great whites reproduced near the sunken ship seacliff and so I went out there, on a boat, and we found some small, six foot long, sharks and I’m all like, “Hey look a baby shark! Du du du du du.”
*Laughter*
Mr. Kelly: But I go- I like PinkFong’s version more than anyone else’s. I don’t know if they were the first one or if they just marketed it better by- but everyone is doing their own now. It is more fun. So, yes on Warner Brothers, no on Hanna Barbera, yes on PinkFong.
Avani: Okay, alright, I think that’s it.
Mr. Kelly: I have spoken.
The End. (El Fin---get it, cuz like fish, fins, fin...Ok, I'm not funny, I know. Jeez)
Part 1.
Alexis: Okay, a light-hearted question to start off. Taco Bell or Mcdonalds?
Mr. Kelly: Mcdonalds.
Avani and Alexis: Why?
Mr. Kelly: Because- I was hoping you would ask me...because I got the worst food poisoning in my life at Taco Bell.
Alexis: Ohhhhh.
Nyari: Because I also hate Taco Bell.
Mr. Kelly: Look up the word hyperemesis.
Nyari: Mmmm, that's a big word.
Avani: What is your closest near-death experience?
Mr. Kelly: Uhhhh, I flew through a thunderstorm--an embedded thunderstorm over Santa Rosa once. Violent turbulence- suddenly, and unforecasted (crazy hand gestures). I was thrown violently against the uhh- seatbelt. Had I not been wearing my seatbelt, I would have broken my neck on the win- the roof.
Everyone: Oh god.
Mr: Kelly: It ripped my headphones off my head-
Nyari: How fun!
Mr. Kelly: It was-
Avani: Nyari…
Nyari: I’m sorry!
Mr. Kelly: And it was pretty severe. I was with a client who was flying and he tried to hold our altitude- which is the opposite of what you want to do in severe turbulence. So, by holding altitude, you’re fighting the forces and you can snap the wings off so, I had to intervene and make sure he knew not- to... not to hold altitude and let the storm push us up and down, reducing stress on the wings.
Alexis: Oh- oh wow.
Mr. Kelly: All my near-death experiences are flying- I’m a pilot. So- um, taking off out of the small airport into mountains, into descending air currents uhh- got over the trees but not too high, yeah. Density altitude is the term there to look up.
Alexis: Okay, what did you want to be when you were 10 years old?
Mr, Kelly: A pilot.
...awkward silence...
Avani: Can you tell us a joke?
Mr. Kelly: Uhhh, a clean joke appropriate for students? That’s a tough- you’re- that’s a big ask.
Nyari: Yeah.
Mr. Kelly: Ummm.
Nyari: It always is.
hmm...Nyari....
Alexis: It’d have to be one of Avani’s puns.
*Unintelligible commotion*
Mr. Kelly: Does it have to be my joke or just uhh-
Nyari: Just any. Just any.
Mr. Kelly: Umm, aha- a rabbit and a bear are pooping in the woods and the rabbit asks the bear, “Do you ever have problems with poop sticking to your fur?”
Alexis: I know this one. *snickers awkwardly*
Mr. Kelly: And the bear said no and he wiped his but with the rabbit.
...
...
Nyari: Oh, oh wow.
*Unintelligible commotion*
Mr. Kelly: Is that a joke or is that a-
Avani: On that note...
Mr. Kelly: Just a funny saying, yeah.
*Unintelligible commotion*
Mr. Kelly: Alright, that’s Eddie Murphy in my head- I cleaned it up a little.
Avani: Do you like Tom or Jerry Better?
Mr. Kelly: Oh, I hate both.
Everyone: Oh, wait- why?
Mr. Kelly: I don’t like Hanna Barbera. Except, Catch the Pigeon- which is way before your time but you get- umm. Oh, and the Wacky Races. Um, Tom- I like cats but I don’t like- Jerry’s kind of cute though- isn’t he? Like, I don’t know, Jerry? I don’t really remember specifics about their personalities. I like small animals so I’ll go with Jerry.
Alexis: Okay, did you want to go to number nine? Convince me that hot dogs are a sandwich- are or are not.
Mr. Kelly: Well, a hot dog is wrapped in a bun and when you have a bread product wrapping around a meat product, you can call that a sandwich.
Alexis: Okay, we had a whole spar in our Speech and Debate class that got heated.
Avani: Punches were thrown.
Mr. Kelly: Really?
Avani: No *laughs at own joke*
*everyone stares, she keeps laughing*
Mr. Kelly: Aww. If it’s seperate pieces of bread it's a euro if it’s bent.
Nyari: There’s a whole like graph online of where the bread has to be in order to call it a specific thing.
Avani: Umm, what’s your opinion on garden gnomes?
Mr. Kelly: I like garden gnomes. I think they’re fun. I saw a movie and they had garden gnomes in it and it kind of portrayed them in a funny light so I had a positive vibe with them- you know?
Alexis: Alright, how many bananas do you currently have in your house?
Mr. Kelly: About six.
Alexis: About six, okay.
Mr. Kelly: I eat a banana a day and my kid probably wastes one a day.
Avani: What is your theory on BigFoot?
Mr. Kelly: Well, are we talking scientific theory, or hypothesis- or belief?
Avani: Belief.
Mr. Kelly: I do not believe in BigFoot. There is no supporting evidence.
Alexis: Hmm, okay. What would be like a theory or like-
Mr. Kelly: It’s not scientifically supported.
Alexis: Mmm, yes.
Mr. Kelly: So, I think BigFoot is ridiculous and that’s true. If that’s what you’re looking for- the fun answer.
...
Alexis: Okay, if you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be?
Mr. Kelly: Now, are there health consequences for eating this food?
Avani and Alexis: No.
Mr. Kelly: Or is it just food you wouldn’t get tired of?
Avani: Something you wouldn’t get tired of.
Mr. Kelly: Fettuccine alfredo.
Alexis: Ooh.
Avani: I agree with that.
Mr. Kelly: Heart-clogging deliciousness. Don’t eat it but it’s the best.
Alexis: I feel like I had it one time at Mama Mia’s. It wasn’t that good.
Mr. Kelly: Yeahh, it depends on who makes it.
Avani: That’s because it was Mama Mia’s.
Mr. Kelly: Stoffers offers a good frozen one. It’s yummy and like four bucks.
Alexis: Okay.
Mr. Kelly: Now I could eat this vegetable smoothie.
Avani: Vegetable smoothie.
Alexis: The last- the last- one
Avani: Now, on the note of what we talked about during class, convince me that climate change doesn’t exist.
Mr. Kelly: Hmm, oh you’re tough. Umm, haha- there’s so much evidence saying the opposite. Uhhh- and I know that areas can get colder weather or even colder climate when the climate changes so- doesn’t exist or isn’t caused by people? I mean, I’m ah- asking like- I mean- I- I can’t convince you that. I really have no- I couldn’t even make up an answer that’s as dumb enough to- If someones not going to ask for complete evidence I’ll just say this and I’ll just you know umm blame it on someone else- you know- like. I don’t- I don’t know.
Nyari: I’m- I’m great at that.
Mr. Kelly: How can I-
Alexis: What I’ve heard a lot is like, “Oh, but the world’s gone super cold and super hot lots of times and it balances out again.” I’ve heard that before.
Mr. Kelly: But that is climate change.
Alexis: I know, yeah.
Mr. Kelly: So that’s why I was asking. Do you mean human cause, anthropogenic cause- climate change caused by humans, as opposed to stuff I talked about in class today? Axial wobble, eccentricity of the orbit-
Nyari: Mwobble?
Mr. Kelly: Continental drift, exchanging currents-
Nyari: Mwobble…is that a word?
Mr. Kelly: Wobble.
Nyari: Oh, I heard Mwobble.
Mr. Kelly: I’m- I’m getting a little tired teaching straight for six hours- seven hours. I’ve got a sick kid at home so I don’t sleep very well at night.
Avani: Okay, can you sell me the smoothie that’s- that your drinking right now?
Mr. Kelly: Can I send it to you?
Avani: Sell it.
Mr. Kelly: Oh, oh yeah- it’s high fiber, good for colon health, anti colon cancer- I think it’s the number three cancer in the world- or, no, no- the US. Umm, and also one of the easy to prevent cancers by eating high fiber. It’s got some sugar- but it’s- the sugar is- the absorption of the sugar is damped out by all the fiber so, you eat them together. It has a variety of berries- antioxidant berries- good for health. Reduces aging, also has fiber, also has sugar to make it sweeter. It has a banana for delicious flavor, and fiber, and potassium. It has a red pepper- red bell pepper for a vegetable- low sugar, red phytonutrients which offer different benefits than purple phytonutrients in grapes. Blah- blah- blah- blah- blah, you want more?
Alexis: How much would you sell it for?
Mr. Kelly: Low cholesterol- it’s low cholesterol and it does have fat but it’s healthy fat. Peanut butter, flaxseed, omega-3 fats- good for your brain. Uhh- good for your heart.
Nyari: Oh, Avani can’t have that.
Mr. Kelly: It has a variety of healthy foods and it allows me to eat healthy foods while i'm working 10-12 hours a time- with no break.
Avani: I have one last question. Why do you hate Hanna Barbera so much?
Mr. Kelly: I just- I don’t even when I was a kid, I thought most of their uhh- their cartoons were kind of dumb. I don’t- I’m a Warners Brothers guy. I’m a Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck, Road Runner-
Nyari: Yeah.
Mr. Kelly: That’s my- that’s my style. I love those.
Nyari: Can I ask a question?
Mr. Kelly: Yes, you may.
Nyari: Who is your favorite Looney Toons character and why?
Mr. Kelly: Hmm. Well, my favorite to draw is the RoadRunner. My favorite character as far as wit is probably Daffy Duck. I like how he’s grouchy but funny. Umm, you know- he uses big words like despicable. Umm, yeah. He and Buggs bounce humor off of each other really well and I really enjoyed that. Umm, I also learned from interactions between Bugs and Daffy- no, maybe it was Bugs and Elmer but pronouns. “Are you going to shoot him half now or wait until you get home? He doesn’t have to shoot you now. Yes he does have to shoot him-me now. And it’s not him now it’s me now and ahh, pronoun error.” Like basically kept tricking him into shooting the other guy.
Alison: Wait, can I ask a question? It’s like really simple and not fun at all but umm, what’s the thing you miss most about being a pilot?
Mr. Kelly: Pressing the buttons. I love buttons- especially if they light up or if the light goes off when you turn it off- that’s fun and I like the overhead buttons the most. There’s nothing more fun than like *button imitation* dials *button imitations* throttles up *plane imitation, chaotic hand motions* you know. And I love flying through the clouds and I love when I don’t have paying passengers. I love flying around the clouds like it’s a canyon that I can’t hit the sides and I’m doing the Death Star trench run. And I used to do that all the time, so fun. Because you’re going 250 mile an hour. Things can go by really fast so it’s like there’s a big puffy cloud you know, 10-15 thousand feet tall and you’re ripping at 250 mph around it and you’re close because if you do hit it, it’s not a problem. You know, and you’re pretending like it’s a canyon wall and it’s just fun and then you got to rip and turn the other way and the g-forces. I like it all. I like the noise it makes when you throttle up and you feel bad about the environment but I- 55 gallons an hour on takeoff. Now, you don’t burn that for an hour but it is- it guzzles gas so, sorry. Umm, yeah. I like seeing things from a bird’s eye view. I like uhh- when I was flying over San Francisco. I would screen down about 230 mph. I’ve flown over Oakland in like three minutes, head over the open airport, ripped a hard- across San Francisco’s hard path. Then I would rip a hard turn and land in San- uhh- Palo Alto. A little tiny, tiny airport and drop off- I used to fly the CEO of Stanford Hospital to work and so I’d drop her off in Palo Alto and then I’d uhh- fly back to Sacramento where I was based at that time. It was fun. I just liked doing my insmin approach. You know? Making everything work perfectly when it’s all happening really fast with buttons to press and there’s things to calculate and you got to visualize your approach. When should I start throttling back? What’s my angle of approach, and what’s- how’s the wind affecting me, and how long is this runway? How heavy am I today and what’s the temperature and how is the humidity going to affect this flight and its- there’s this- the complexity of all of it. It’s really fun when you nail it. You know, and yeah, it’s cool.
Alexis: Did anyone ever have to get thrown off your plane?
Mr. Kelly: No. I wasn’t an airline pilot; I flew charter so I never had to kick anyone off. They were paying me.
Alexis: Alright.
Mr. Kelly: They could do whatever they want to. They could bring a gun on board, I couldn’t care less.
*Eruption of laughter*
Mr. Kelly: You know, like hey, it was a different set of regulations- you know? I had weight limits, I had- I had a lot of rules, you know. The rule book was, not even joking, about this big. *Shows a large stack of papers*
Nyari: Wow.
Mr. Kelly: Title 14 of the Code of Federal Regulations. But um, but yeah. Because it wasn’t an airline operation, when I was doing certain types of flying, umm- I had the flexibility. I was pilot in command so if it did not affect safety of flight I’m like, “Use your phone. I couldn’t care less.” You know, back when they were all like, “ You can’t use a phone!” You know, I turned on my phone, I turned on my instruments, I turned by phone and lalala- nothing happens so I’m not worried about it. Umm, yeah. And now I can’t see in the morning and I’m like, “Thank God I’m not flying right now because I can’t see that.” You know, like it’s really different.
Alexis: You wan- that’s good. Do you want to-
Avani: Oh, oh- okay. Would you rather listen to a week of Baby Shark at full volume, not stopping, or have to read an entire-
Mr. Kelly: Done. I already have.
*Laughter*
Mr. Kelly: Hello, umm- have you met Fin? I’ve watched every Octonaut 20-30 times. I’ve watched all that- yeah- oh they like to repeat shows. What’s- What’s the alternate? Baby Shark or-
Avani: Have to read an entire New York phone book until you memorized every name.
Mr. Kelly: Oh, Baby Shark. I kind of liked Baby Shark. When I was uhh- in San- Santa Cruz, they had a shark tour because they found some sharks- they found some great whites reproduced near the sunken ship seacliff and so I went out there, on a boat, and we found some small, six foot long, sharks and I’m all like, “Hey look a baby shark! Du du du du du.”
*Laughter*
Mr. Kelly: But I go- I like PinkFong’s version more than anyone else’s. I don’t know if they were the first one or if they just marketed it better by- but everyone is doing their own now. It is more fun. So, yes on Warner Brothers, no on Hanna Barbera, yes on PinkFong.
Avani: Okay, alright, I think that’s it.
Mr. Kelly: I have spoken.
The End. (El Fin---get it, cuz like fish, fins, fin...Ok, I'm not funny, I know. Jeez)